Have you ever lost people dearest to you?

That’s why we have to appreciate the moments we had with them, when they were around…

Before, I often said this: Have you ever lost people dearest to you? Well, I do. They’ve gone forever… * me, when saying those, with eyes filled tears *

Some people said that, time will heal everything. That you’ll forget it. Well, I guess I just proved that they were wrong. It’s been almost 13 years ago that I’ve lost my brother to a car accident and 12 years ago that I’ve also lost my father due to his sudden sickness. But the pain from that very day, never left my heart. Everytime I remember them, tears almost falls from my eyes. How hard it is for me, afterwards. Those memories keep coming back in my mind just like a flashback slides * you know the scene from movies, where someone regain their memories back, right? *

The fact that I couldn’t see them, heard their voice, or felt their presence were not the main reason for me to be in this state. Because I believe that, it was their destiny, my destiny to living a life without them anymore. It is God’s decision, and I had no rights to against it. I believe that everything that happened in this world, is for the best. And God, knows what is best for me. But, the fact that I couldn’t give them my best, made my heartache. I guess, this is what they calls “regret.” But, there is no point to regret. I just had to move on, afterwards.

I hardly miss them during my hard day, but I do miss them in my happy time in life. Cos there is always this thought, “I wish you are here to share this happiness with me,” or “if only I could made you two be more happy than I already did when you’re alive.”  Although I hate the word “if,” I can’t resist myself for using it for this kind of matters. what if… I guess, they should say that, time will heal the wound, but never erase the memories causes the wound.

Now, I want to said it again: Have you ever lost people dearest to you? Well, I do. They’ve gone forever… but their memories last forever * me, when saying those, with smile on my face *

below is a little feeling I had on that very day…

Siang itu…

Kegalauan menyelimutiku

Bulir-bulir air mata tiba-tiba turun ke pipiku

Ketika mas tono datang menjemputku

Seribu tanya bermain di kepalaku

Berbagai perasaan berkecamuk dihatiku

Secepat kilat aku ambil langkah seribu

Pergi dari SMU ke RSU

Kulihat “dia” di sana

Terbaring lemah tak berdaya

Dengan alat-alat ditubuhnya

Dan darah di selimutnya

Ya ALLAH…

Hambamu ini tak kuasa

Menahan derasnya air mata

Membayangkan Kau mengambilnya

Kuhapus air mata

Dan kusentuh “dia”

Kubisikkan ditelinganya

“a” ini melly dateng “a”

Ya ALLAH…”dia” meneteskan air mata

Membuatku tak berdaya

Setelah aku berkata

“kau harus sembuh “a”

Tiba-tiba…

Jatuh lagi air matanya

Perawat berhenti memompa napasnya

Dokter menekan kuat-kuat dadanya

Sekali… dua kali… tiga kali…

Berkali-kali…

Sampai berhenti

Kakakku telah pergi

Sejenak kutermangu

Dihadapan jasadnya yang kaku

Mencoba percaya kejadian itu

Kusentak tubuhnya

Sekali… dua kali… tiga kali…

Sembari berteriak dengan nada tinggi

“a bangun!!  a bangun!! a bangun!! a bangun!!”

Berkali-kali…

Berharap “dia” bangun kembali

Seperti film yang kulihat di TV

Ya ALLAH…

Mereka memegangiku

Menjauhkanku dari jasadnya yang kaku

Membisikkan firman-firman-Mu ditelingaku

Mengingatkanku akan diri-Mu

Tubuhku lemas tak berdaya

Hatiku perih teriris duka

Air mata mengalir dengan derasnya

Aku kehilangan kaka tercinta

Ya ALLAH….

Kurelakan kepergiannya

Walaupun sesak rasanya di dada

Kuiringi “dia” dengan doa

Berharap Kau menerimanya di sana

mengampuni segala dosanya

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